LAURETTA ONOCHIE, HER IDENTITY CRISES, SATANIC DISPOSITION, DEROGATORY UTTERANCES, AND PHOBIA FOR BIAFRA: A PHILOSOPHICAL OUTLOOK TO PERSONAL IDENTITY

By: Russell Idatoru Bluejack

John Locke's attempt to answer to the personal identity problematique raised some salient points worthy of note.  Most of my teeming readers may not have not had a brush with the intellectual flood from this socio-political philosopher. For Locke,  what defines a person must capture his character and what he is able to recall.  In sum,  Locke submits that MEMORY and CHARACTER are the true indices requisite for identity.  A person's character (attitude to life, definite ways of doing things,  conducts) individualizes him.  Regarding memory,  it is Locke's position that Mr.  A in 1900 is the same person in 2006 if and only if their accounts about their personal experiences coalesce.  The passage of time does not take with it one's ability to recall past events,  although Locke failed to take the issue of non compus mentis (psychological distortion) into consideration.  But memory and character,  no doubt, play very vital roles in the identification of a person.  Let us see whether someone like Lauretta Onochie will survive a dispassionate philosophical personality examination.  

Who is Lauretta Onochie?  I had a very fruitful discussion with the Chairman of Ijaw Elders' Council,  and one of the highpoints of the meeting was our agreement that identity crisis is a serious bottleneck on the unity of our sister regions.  Being a security czar himself,  he told me that the question, Who are you?, is what every indigene from both regions should answer to.  Does Lauretta Onochie know who she is? I have a very strong feeling that it will take Lauretta a million (1000,000) years to do justice to that serious question.  Using the evaluative scale propounded by John Locke,  will the Lauretta Onochie that feasts from the crumbs that fall from Buhari's table be the same person that mothers her children and tends to her husband's inescapable needs?  Do not forget that the woman in this association of northerners in power called Federal Government of Nigeria talks like a street girl in her bid to remain servile and conquered.  Now,  I ask: is this what she teaches her children? Is she the same person in and out of government? Is Lauretta a gloried street girl at home and in bed?  I ask because nothing good comes from a street girl.  I just wonder how the man puts up with a woman that grows younger on the basis of her nasty and peurile utterances.  What moral lessons do the kids learn from an immoral mother?  They say he who finds a wife finds a good thing,  but I know how "good" she must be to her hubby.  Why do I feel that someone somewhere is gnashing his teeth and clenching his fists in exasperation?  I am beginning to think that the little Onochies cringe and wry their faces whenever mummy's name is mentioned.  Lauretta Onochie seems to be a perplexed personality.  

In another vein,  she poses serious identity crisis when a critical examination is carried out on her name.  A missing link surfaces when the NAME and the NAMED are examined for resemblance.  The context of justification reveals that she has been misnamed,  since there is no laurel that makes her LAURETTA and no Igboness that makes her ONOCHIE.  The name and the named are in divergence. I think she is one of the privileged few Hausa/Fulani women that have managed to be wifed by an Igbo husband.  Yes,  I see her as a very primitive Hausa lady.  Her Igboness is in doubt!  Perchance she is from the West.  She alone has the seemingly elusive answers to the numerous questions about her tribal identity.  Yes,  there is a very glaring divide between the NAME and the NAMED in Lauretta's case.  Her Christian name is too refined in meaning for the filth that emanates from her.  She is too satanic in her ways to be a Christian; she is too uncircumcised, uncouth,  primitive,  and savagery to be categorised as an Igbo. Her debased pronouncements and unwomanly conducts confirm that the Buhari-led misgoverning government lacks substance. This woman that is a quintessential bad wife and immoral mother lacks the needed ingredient to occupy any public office.  It is lucid that the APC houses a panoply of never-do-wells that constitute square pegs in the round holes of FGN.  Yes,  as long as someone like Lauretta Onochie,  a bad mother and disgrace to womanhood,  and those of her ilk remain relevant to this clueless government,  Nigeria will sink deeper in economic recession.  How proud are Lauretta's children? Their mama wants the Hausa/Fulani to imprison the innocent Nnamdi Kanu,  but she has said nothing about the destructive activities of Fulani herdsmen, violent AREWA Youths,  and Boko Haram terrorists.  What manner of wife and mother is she?  Where was her voice when herdsmen ravaged Enugu?  I guess they should not be PUT WHERE THEY BELONG AND THE KEY THROWN INTO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN.  But who locks up a person and throws the key in a river?  What manner of she-devil says such? How black is Lauretta's heart?  God forbid! 

Lauretta wants Mazi Nnamdi Kanu locked up without a charge.  She wants him locked up because he manned up to wear the very big shoes left by Ojukwu.  She sees Nnamdi Kanu,  the modern day BREAKER OF CHAINS, LIBERATOR OF THE OPPRESSED AND SUPPRESSED, as the enemy,  as the problem. How is that even possible? What is really wrong with her psychological state?  Could it be that she is a representative of the mad in government? I ask because it takes an incurably mad person to makes such misjudgment.  Mazi Nnmadi Kanu is the SOLUTION,  not the PROBLEM.  Lauretta should try as much as possible to visit the nearest asylum for thorough psychiatric examination.  Her vituperations are the rantings of a crazy fellow on the loose. Like a wild beast,  I think someone like Lauretta should be tethered and watched.  Seeing that her family have failed to tame her,  I advise that they make another attempt at sealing her lips and getting her hands fettered.  She talks like a woman on call.  She misjudges like an asylum inmate.  Her jealousy and baseless hatred for the saintly activities of Nnamdi Kanu will lead her to the community of still and quiet. She is dying inside when she should be jubilant.  It takes the world several centuries to produce a true revolutionist.  Our world has gifted us all with Director Nnamdi Kanu,  the Ohamadike 1 of Biafraland.  For the sake of our liberty,  he submitted himself, freedom,  and niceties of life to the oppressive keepers and was unjustly imprisoned for more than a year.  Can this hag that calls herself Lauretta do that?  As a sign that she is someone of buyable conscience,  has she not become a Muslim overnight because of political appointment?  Has she been able to muster the courage to condemn any of preposterous and anti-people actions of Buhari-led government? Shame on her!  Why did she not learn from Dr.  Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala?  Is she not a living witness to the indelible footprints left by Prof. Dora Akunyili? What legacy is she going to leave behind?  

Lastly,  is she not too old to be playing the underdog role? Should the very young Prince Nnamdi Kanu not be the one to learn from her?  But because she is a nobody,  an embodiment of identity crises, a failed mother, a terrible wife, and a woman of easy virtue,  she is the one envying our phenomenal freedom fighter.  As days turn to weeks,  weeks turn to months, and months to years,  Lauretta Onochie will witness the glorious birth of Biafra.  Her own generation will witness that she fights.

 If Buhari, the hater of Igbo, could not kill our Nnmadi Kanu is it this piece of shit?  Lauretta should come with the police herself and see how millions of Biafrans will bring her dysfunctional existence to an end.  We are the most peaceful group agitating for freedom,  but, like every human with blood flowing in his vessels,  we should not be pushed to the wall.  Lauretta and her likes should be wary of the beast in us.  We shall continue to carry out our quest to liberate our people within the armbits of nonexistent law. Any enclave where terrorists are eulogised, but peaceful agitators are teargassed,  chased, and killed is indeed lawless.  Yes,  a place where criminals are set free because of their tribe and religion is demonic. A nation where a sitting president distinguishes between unmathematical 97% and 5%  and political appointments are done on the basis of tribe and religion is a glorified wild forest.  No amount of restructuring will suffice to make Nigeria a country.  It is shameful that Lauretta is too driven by crumbs to see the looming danger.  Danger looms,  since darker days await the inhabitants of Nigeria.  Never again shall we sit and watch the oppressors breach the law.  One million Laurettas cannot stop the revolutionary train.  She should expect high blood pressure and possible  insanity as the profile of Nnamdi Kanu soars to heights unimagined.  Her trouble has just started.  We are whiter than white.  Our hero remains Mazi Nnamdi Kanu.

Russell Idatoru Bluejack is a thinker, revolutionary writer, university tutor,  and socio-economic and political analyst that writes from Port Harcourt.